Pressure's On

I don't work well under certain types of pressure. 

If it's something like not feeling prepared for a test then I try to hide it and come off cool as a cucumber so I don't add the pressure for other people.  

Pressures from people that expect things from you annoy me because with school, family, job and personal life, there's too much pressure for one 17-year-old girl to undertake. 

 

Thought I'd chuck this is for fun
Image from http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-be-cool-as-a-cucumber/

Word of Advice: There are times where one just shut off physically and mentally in order to fully regain consciousness of their surroundings.

If it's public speaking or doing something in front of people, then my body goes into this mode where it shakes non-stop and I don't mean shake like what you would do in a club (#twerking). It's gotten better in the last few years because beforehand my face used to go RED - like a tomato - in addition to the shaking. It was so bad one time that I almost started crying. I've learned to calm down since, to the point where I don't go red anymore however the shakes are still there. 

So today I went to an event at another school and they had planned out a few activities to break the ice as there were many schools present.  

This first was SIGNS, a game foreign to me and most people in the room, but the host school taught us how to play. 

Essentially, we got broken into two groups, which was around 25 to 30 people each group. Each person in the group had a sign or a hand gesture or action that was unique to the rest of us. Mine, naturally, was the District 12 sign from The Hunger Games (three fingers in the air). Once we went around the group showing our gestures the game started. There's a person in the middle who has to cover their eyes at first. Another person in the circle had to do their own sign and then somebody else's sign to 'pass the ball'. The aim of the game was to keep the person in the middle there for as long as possible. The only way the person in the middle (who didn't have their eyes closed anymore) can 'get out' was to catch people in the middle of doing the signs by asking "Is it you?"

It makes sense if you actually play it.

Let me tell you, I do not do well in this type of pressure. The 'ball' got passed to me quite a number of times (probably because of my very cool sign) but a couple of times I cracked and my hands started to spasm and I started to shake. However I did really well in the middle of the circle, catching the people who had the 'ball' quickly.

Since the moment the 'ball' got passed to me, I could not stop shaking and I tried playing it off but inside I was petrified I'll have an anxiety attack. It's been a while since my last one but I never know when it's gonna surprise me.

Other than that, it was fine! We had a great time and I hope there will be another one soon.

So that's story time for today. Hope you had a good read.

Take care and be safe.

♥

Tell me the truth!

In my circle of friends, I am typically known as the one that doesn't beat around the bush, the straight-forward one, the one that likes to tell things straight to people's faces before talking behind anyone's backs. I'm also the inappropriate one and the corrupted mind in the group but that's another story.

The thing that has been baffling me recently is back-stabbing. No, not literally, geez. What are you thinking? What I mean is when people say things, mostly nasty things, about a certain someone without that certain someone knowing. Yes I have done it before but that was before I knew the perks of actually saying it to their faces, regardless if they're your friend or not. 

I guess the security of talking behind someone's back brings comfort to some and, I guess to an extent, power to others. What I don't understand is how people gain satisfaction from gossiping about another person. Personally, I am oblivious to a lot of things and when I do notice that somebody is obviously talking about me, I ask myself 'Why?' Even when I did talk behind people's backs the way I did, looking back, I never understood why I ever did any of it. 

So when I started actually saying my thoughts on people out loud to the people themselves, I felt like weight has been lifted off my shoulders.I didn't need to keep anything a secret that may or may  not come back and bite me in the future. Despite the mixed responses I received at first, I soon gained respect as well as trust, especially from the people closest to me. Pretty soon it just became habit. Granted that I don't always say what people want to hear, but at least I wasn't lying or bending the truth and to me, that is an achievement since nowadays we are almost always compelled to lie to get out of trouble.

"I didn't do it!"
"I'm just sleeping over at (insert name here)."
"I just cleaned my room."

These are obviously not the things one would say behind someone's back, more so answers that have been predetermined by the questioner but you get the drift. Lying is bad.

Any-who, thanks for reading and take care.

♥